guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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