Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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