Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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