Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
