Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
