I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
