Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
