My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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