he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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