There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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