If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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