imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
