I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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