Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
