last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize