How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
