I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
