I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize