Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
