And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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