I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
