So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
