I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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