omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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