You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Randomize