Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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