DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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