i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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