i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
