Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
