if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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