All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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