If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
