He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
