if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
