My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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