I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
