new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
