puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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