The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
