Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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