I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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