My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
