There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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