Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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