Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
