Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
