i was born a porn star she said
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
