Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
BRING THE BAGELS
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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