Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
