the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
