you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
