I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
