I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
