It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
