how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
