I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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