Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize