I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
