u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
