my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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