i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
