One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
