I wanna bring you to show and tell
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
