I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
