I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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