I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
