You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
