you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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