I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize