this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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