we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
