Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
