all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
