If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
